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Sex outside the bedroom, or if you dare outside the house, can be sexy, exhilarating and fantastically mind-blowing! But if you’re not careful, can be embarrassing, uncomfortable and down-right humiliating!
It is about getting the balance right, making sure that whilst you are both enjoying it, that you are not encroaching on the poor, unsuspecting public. No one should have to witness your enthusiastic love making, unless you’re in a car-park and dogging springs to mind! Now that’s a whole different ball game and not a topic for today!
I thought I would share with you some of my alfresco sex sessions, the good, the bad and the ugly!
My partner and I, took a day off work to spend some much-deserved quality time together. The sun was shining, the skies were blue, so we decided to go for a drive and see where we ended up. We arrived at a beautiful park with a huge expanse of rolling green grass. We strolled through the woods, walked round the lake and not before long, the romanticism of it all overtook us. We found a secluded spot, where we lay on a blanket and very soon we were kissing, touching, you get the gist. With not a soul in sight, proceedings heated up pretty quickly and we made love in the great outdoors. It felt invigorating to be at one with nature, the birds were singing, the sun sparkled and the sex was mind-blowing. It was so amazing, as soon as we regained our composure, we embarked on round two! Round three happened about an hour later in a lay-by down a country lane on our way home! It really was a memorable day, and that leads me on to the bad, which was memorable for all the wrong reasons….
We have all done it, gone out for a few drinks, and those few drinks turn into a session. On one particular drunken night, we stumbled out the pub, heading for a kebab. On route we passed an alley way, and in our intoxicated state decided this was where we were going to have a quickie.
So, trousers pulled down to ankles, skirt hitched up over hips we proceeded to do the deed. The problem was, being so drunk, we were hardly being quiet and whilst we thought we were being inconspicuous, we quite clearly were in full view of passers-by. So needless to say, after a few cheers from a group of lads, stern words from an older couple, we aroused the attention from the local police patrolling the area. What makes me cringe the most, was we didn’t notice them until they were standing right by us, and it was only when one of them shone a flash light in our faces and firmly asked us to stop what we were doing, that the clarity of what we were engaging in was in fact illegal. I don’t know if its because we were a pathetic sight for sore eyes, or if the policemen were in a forgiving mood, but somehow, we managed to escape unscathed that night, with just a ticking off about public indecency and the walk of shame out of the alley and to the kebab shop.
After a trip to the cinema, a delicious meal and a few glasses of vino, I had the brilliant idea of stopping off on the way home for a quickie in the back of my partners van. It will be fun, I said, it will be really exciting! Looking back, it was obviously the wine that was filling me with this impromptu bravado. But once I have something in my head, I just have to fulfil it. Not that my partner was complaining, he drove at a speed of knots to find a suitable spot for our looming session!
Van parked, we retreated stealth like to the rear and clambered on-board. Ok, it was dark, dusty and very restrictive in oxygen, but even lying on the cold, hard floor was not going to prevent me from getting my way that night! And it began, friction burns, sweat pouring off us but damn it was so good! That was until we heard cars pull up and then voices. We lay there, not daring to move but laughing at the fact we were inside and no one had a clue!
What we didn’t bank on was the crew outside, were there for the long game, they weren’t going anywhere, anytime soon. There was no way we could both emerge from the back of the van, it would have been too obvious to what we had been engaging in. The humiliation would have been too much to handle, especially as the effects of the wine were wearing off. And so, we lay there, hot, uncomfortable, gasping for fresh air and not daring to speak for nearly two hours. Two bloody long, excruciating hours! The laughter was gone, replaced with frustration and the longing for escapism.
When we heard the boy racers zoom up the road, we literally threw ourselves out the doors and with our tails in-between our legs rushed off home, to jump in the shower and scrub the shame off our bodies. Needless to say, we have not engaged in any kind of vehicle sex again! And if and when, we do, it definitely won’t be in the back of a Transit!
So, the moral of the story? Think with your head and not your genitals! For outdoor shenanigans can be very, very good but just as easily very, very bad!